prayers for a friend.

I have a friend who is dealing with an unimaginable loss right now. I can't get her out of my mind. My mom and I went to visit her and her family on Monday night and since then, she is all I can think about. I woke up last night and stared at the ceiling just crying for her.

From one mom to another, I can't imagine her pain. It is so ironic how much deeper my feelings about love, family, and just life in general have changed since I had a baby. Several years ago, my cousin lost her baby very near her due date. At the time, I was in high school, and although I felt so terrible for her, I just couldn't comprehend what that pain felt like. Now, I ache for my cousin and her loss several years ago, and I ache for my friend. To a degree, I mourn with them. I think about how that would make me feel, and it brings me to the point of sickness. I want so bad to tell my friend something that will give her some comfort or peace, but sometimes, there are just no words.

Something changed when I became a mom. My life suddenly wasn't about me anymore. I loved it. I struggled with it. I could have spent all day sniffing PB's little baby feet. And in the next breath, I'd worry about the huge responsibility on my hands. My emotions changed. Everything I felt was so much more strongly than anything I felt before. I loved stronger. I cried harder. I laughed louder. I snuggled tighter. My senses and feelings were heightened beyond what I had ever experienced.

As cliche as it may sound, when I had PB, life started to make a little more sense. I saw more joy in the world. I also saw more pain. I began to care about a tiny little life more than I cared about my own. The love I felt for my son was a different kind of love. Before I ever saw his little heartbeat on that baby monitor, I loved him. I prayed for him. I dreamed of him. I imagined every little thing about his life. I felt like I knew so much about him before he was ever born. It was so deep and so raw.

So now, I hurt so much for my friend as she begins to deal with such an unthinkable loss. As a mother, I grieve for her. I cry for her. I want so much to tell her things that will ease the pain. But the truth is, I don't know what to say or do, other than to cover her in prayer. Sometimes, words are just pointless. They seem so empty at a time like this. I ask that God will bring an undeniable and unexplainable peace. I pray that he will wrap His arms so tightly around her that she will never feel alone. And because I completely believe in the power of prayer, I ask that you please remember my dear friend as she deals with the loss of her child.

I believe that prayer changes things.

Have a blessed Wednesday :)